Blooming Marvellous??? Says Who??

23 Nov

Who fooled us ladies into thinking that having a baby is “Blooming Marvellous”???  Don’t get me wrong… actually HAVING a baby as in HAVING IT IN YOUR ARMS is bloody amazing….. but HAVING IT…. as in making it….. for the 9 months it takes and the HAVING IT…. as in squeezing something with a 35cm circumference through your vagina……. it ain’t that marvellous! And WHY do the magazines, books, TV and films as well as society keep trying to fool us still???

I know I am not alone. Most people I speak to have had hideous pregnancies. There are very few women I have met who say that pregnancy was a breeze and that they loved it and certainly fewer that say they felt like they were blooming. Bloating yes…..blooming….. uh… no.

Firstly….. what’s blooming marvellous about feeling like you want to eject everything that goes into your mouth as well as everything that doesn’t. There is nothing wonderful feeling about throwing up past the point that there is nothing left to throw up other than the lining of your stomach.

(FYI…. if you are pregnant or planning on getting pregnant follow these tips…..)


Foods to avoid include; rice, peas, chopped carrots, sweetcorn, lentils or anything small, sharp and not readily soluble. They don’t feel too nice coming through your nostrils when you’re throwing up and tend to get stuck.

Don’t drink anything remotely acidic… it’s even more acidic when it’s coming back up and is horrifically caustic in the sinuses.

(This is why all the guides tell you to have only dry crackers and water)

Now, I walked past the mirror this evening and noticed the hair around my hairline was getting thicker and growing back at last….

All the books tell you that you grow loads of hair in pregnancy. What they don’t tell you is that for the first six months you hair falls out….. ALOT

The last three months your hair grows at a hundred miles an hour and really makes up for all that previous hair loss.

What it doesn’t mention is that the “GLOW” you have on your skin and that your lush looking hair is actually due to excess oil! So you  literally are GLOWING! You have lovely GLOWING oily skin and masses of hair…. Here’s the hitch….. you look great if you manage to tame all this and avoid looking like a furry grease ball,  but you feel like crap cause it’s that last three months. This is when you can’t see your toes, the baby is sitting on your bladder and stomach so you suffer incontinence, heart burn and you can’t get your own shoes on, your ankles are swollen and you feel like you’re carrying four concrete blocks in a fanny pack for miles even though you’re hardly moving off the sofa so your back hurts like hell too….. but your hair…. YES THAT BEAUTIFUL HAIR….. it does make up for it….. till about six weeks after you have the baby and all that hair you grew….. well it all falls out….. Along with half of what you originally had in the first place!


Take lots and lots of photos of yourself when you do actually have that “GLOW”.  Make sure they are from the knees up though. You don’t want photographic reminders of your ankles.

Make sure you keep a powder compact in your handbag so you can tame the glow when it becomes too much, especially if you’re taking photos.

Keep a hairbrush and dry shampoo on hand as well.

Don’t get trapped into cutting a fringe into your hair when you notice the new sprouts coming through after all that hair falls out and starts to grow back. Better to look like you may have had chemo than to look like you’re trying to match your six year old’s hair do.

Toddler Child is 2 and a half now and my hair is finally getting back to it’s pre pregnancy state, except for the fact that it’s definitely turning grey, but we’ll blame that one on the terrible twos. Pregnancy can’t take the fall for everything.

For those of you clever enough to notice that I only covered the first and third trimesters….. well done! Will cover the “mid section” and the birth next time….. For now… I’m settling into bed and watching House! Have a lovely evening ladies. And for the record… I love all my children and wouldn’t change them or the pregnancies for the world…. after all…. I’d have nothing to blog about otherwise!

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Posted by on November 23, 2011 in Nov 2011


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