Category Archives: Nov 2011

Please NO! Not THAT time again Mom!!!!

Remember we talked about this before right? My PERSONAL ME TIME??? Well we’re there…. So I’ve been channeling! I managed to clean the kids rooms till they were sparkling but I still wasn’t pleased. So I got out a pot of paint. Toddler Child was pretty bemused by this. Was just me and her at home today and she must have thought I was mad. Her pretty pink room was turning purple before her little eyes and she thought it was fabulous. So fabulous in fact that she kept trying to touch it.

Have you ever tried painting a room with a roller and brush while a smaller version of you is leaping up behind you trying to finger paint it? Well that was us today. It was like the little devil on my left shoulder jumping around trying to wreak havoc in my life… never mind… I’m channeling…. and by the time Middle Child walked through the door from school, the room was magically transformed into purple. I had a few questions for her though….

Why oh why when I was moving all the books off her book case so I could move the darn thing and paint behind it was I finding loads and loads and loads of socks? I think I found about TEN pairs. You must understand that this child is forever telling me she has no socks…. well I had a thing or two to tell her when she came in! And she’ll surely be washing all those socks and random t shirts herself as I just finished all the laundry and the darn thing’s full to overflowing again with all the stuff I found stashed. How on earth is it easier to hide it than just toss it in a basket???! I also managed to clean the spots off the carpet and rug from things like hot chocolate spills, plasticine rubbed into the fibres and marker pens.

What I can never understand is how on earth Middle Child and First Born don’t get it yet….. if you don’t like my monthly cleaning frenzies then don’t leave anything to clean. I’m sure they love it really cause they know that if they just leave it then Muggins Mom here will get round to it next time she’s having one of those funny spells!

I have noticed one thing though….. there’s only two days of the month when I say “Time for bed” that the kids disappear and don’t actually tip toe back out to have a peek, get a drink, use the toilet or generally annoy me….. I think I love this time of the month sometimes!

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Posted by on November 24, 2011 in Nov 2011


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Blooming Marvellous??? Says Who??

Who fooled us ladies into thinking that having a baby is “Blooming Marvellous”???  Don’t get me wrong… actually HAVING a baby as in HAVING IT IN YOUR ARMS is bloody amazing….. but HAVING IT…. as in making it….. for the 9 months it takes and the HAVING IT…. as in squeezing something with a 35cm circumference through your vagina……. it ain’t that marvellous! And WHY do the magazines, books, TV and films as well as society keep trying to fool us still???

I know I am not alone. Most people I speak to have had hideous pregnancies. There are very few women I have met who say that pregnancy was a breeze and that they loved it and certainly fewer that say they felt like they were blooming. Bloating yes…..blooming….. uh… no.

Firstly….. what’s blooming marvellous about feeling like you want to eject everything that goes into your mouth as well as everything that doesn’t. There is nothing wonderful feeling about throwing up past the point that there is nothing left to throw up other than the lining of your stomach.

(FYI…. if you are pregnant or planning on getting pregnant follow these tips…..)


Foods to avoid include; rice, peas, chopped carrots, sweetcorn, lentils or anything small, sharp and not readily soluble. They don’t feel too nice coming through your nostrils when you’re throwing up and tend to get stuck.

Don’t drink anything remotely acidic… it’s even more acidic when it’s coming back up and is horrifically caustic in the sinuses.

(This is why all the guides tell you to have only dry crackers and water)

Now, I walked past the mirror this evening and noticed the hair around my hairline was getting thicker and growing back at last….

All the books tell you that you grow loads of hair in pregnancy. What they don’t tell you is that for the first six months you hair falls out….. ALOT

The last three months your hair grows at a hundred miles an hour and really makes up for all that previous hair loss.

What it doesn’t mention is that the “GLOW” you have on your skin and that your lush looking hair is actually due to excess oil! So you  literally are GLOWING! You have lovely GLOWING oily skin and masses of hair…. Here’s the hitch….. you look great if you manage to tame all this and avoid looking like a furry grease ball,  but you feel like crap cause it’s that last three months. This is when you can’t see your toes, the baby is sitting on your bladder and stomach so you suffer incontinence, heart burn and you can’t get your own shoes on, your ankles are swollen and you feel like you’re carrying four concrete blocks in a fanny pack for miles even though you’re hardly moving off the sofa so your back hurts like hell too….. but your hair…. YES THAT BEAUTIFUL HAIR….. it does make up for it….. till about six weeks after you have the baby and all that hair you grew….. well it all falls out….. Along with half of what you originally had in the first place!


Take lots and lots of photos of yourself when you do actually have that “GLOW”.  Make sure they are from the knees up though. You don’t want photographic reminders of your ankles.

Make sure you keep a powder compact in your handbag so you can tame the glow when it becomes too much, especially if you’re taking photos.

Keep a hairbrush and dry shampoo on hand as well.

Don’t get trapped into cutting a fringe into your hair when you notice the new sprouts coming through after all that hair falls out and starts to grow back. Better to look like you may have had chemo than to look like you’re trying to match your six year old’s hair do.

Toddler Child is 2 and a half now and my hair is finally getting back to it’s pre pregnancy state, except for the fact that it’s definitely turning grey, but we’ll blame that one on the terrible twos. Pregnancy can’t take the fall for everything.

For those of you clever enough to notice that I only covered the first and third trimesters….. well done! Will cover the “mid section” and the birth next time….. For now… I’m settling into bed and watching House! Have a lovely evening ladies. And for the record… I love all my children and wouldn’t change them or the pregnancies for the world…. after all…. I’d have nothing to blog about otherwise!

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Posted by on November 23, 2011 in Nov 2011


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Nappy Cream Rules!

Now here’s one for the books!!!! I’m driving along merrily in my car today and there’s this smell….. one of those “I can’t put my finger on what that smell is” smells. Not a bad smell. Not a great smell either. A PUNGENT smell YES!!!!!

I knew it wasn’t a diaper or anything like that and Toddler Child was sitting in the back seat strapped in safely singing merrily to herself. She was also muttering something or the other at me but I can’t always understand what she’s saying. She’s still at that stage where most of what she says is half garbled and I can just about understand her if I am looking at her and KNOW what she is looking at and figure the rest out.

So there I am….. smelling…. in my car….. on the way to pick up Middle Child from school. Singing away, smelling, idle chit chat with Toddler, smelling, navigating traffic, smelling, wondering….. and then Middle Child gets in the car……



Christ, her voice is loud. Ear piercing in fact. I was about to berate her for bursting my ear drums but when I turned around….. there it was.




I need not say anymore today other than these are the rules for nappy cream…

1. Buy child proof opening nappy cream

2. Keep nappy cream in locked cupboard at all times

3. Have solvent on hand – this stuff does not come off of anything easy

4. In event of rule failure, keep nose clips and blindfold on hand too!


I haven’t cleaned the car yet. I have shut it, locked it, and I am pretending that none of this ever happened. Maybe the faries will come tonight and it will be gone in the morning. (Darn you Enid Blyton!)


Posted by on November 8, 2011 in Nov 2011


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We’re smelling ROSES Sister!

So I’ve been feeling guilty about not stopping to smell the roses. I really don’t have time. Added to my own children, I seem to have acquired another. A friend’s child decided she was leaving home. She’s in a negative cycle of communication with her mother and they’re arguing all the time. Somehow, my halo didn’t just light up, it started flashing at a rate and before I knew it, I was sitting in their living room talking to mother and daughter and agreeing for her to move in with me. Ha! Like I didn’t have enough on my plate….. but as my life seems to go…

When the plate gets full…. we buy bigger plates!

No diets round this house! So now I am a single parent of FOUR….. Older Child, Middle Child and Toddler Child and then we have who I can only describe as Interim Child.

Interim Child however has been making herself quite at home. Shown to a spare space in my pad, she’s totally cleaned it out and turned it into a bedroom. Somehow I am starting to feel that Interim Child has other ideas. I think we might be renaming her soon. That’s a story to be unfolded.

Anyways…. the guilt. I’ve been feeling guilty about not smelling the roses. And lo and behold, I get another parenting email from my parenting guru.

Hurrah!!!! Permission to do it right only 51% of the time… so I’ve been doing the math……

Smelling roses              2%

Balanced diet              90%

Bed on time                 75%

Educating                    75%

Daily baths               100%

Nurturing                   80% (I HOPE!!!)

Time to play               50%

Bed time stories        60%

I’m sure I have left stuff out. But when I do my averages I fare pretty well.

I am a good parent 66.5% of the time!!!!

I have been trying to inject this into all areas of our lives mind, not just the “Oh, let’s make a concerted effort to stop and sniff” way. So we didn’t just leave church this morning, we stood around and took in the ambience. Despite the fact that Toddler Child was trying to play with the hair of the lady in front of us during the service. Kindly, she kept turning around and smiling nicely – I know it would have been a different story if we were on the bus, she would have given us dagger eyes! The others were bickering over who got to hold the hymn book and played footsie a bit… you know the kind that’s more of a game than a form of communication? The nun over the other side of the pew tutted at me. I relaxed and listened to the sermon thinking …..

“The sods are smelling the roses Sister!

Roses…. you hear me?”

Toddler Child even learned how to say “Jesus” after she shouted out rather loudly “Why that man wearing dress? Dress not for man!” Needless to say there were smirks as I stood there embarrassed trying to decide how to meander this statement. I think in the end I passed her the nappy cream which she smeared all over her face with glee but she’s smelling something right? Have to come up with a better response to these sorts of things before next week….. gulp!

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Posted by on November 6, 2011 in Nov 2011


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Smell the roses????? Like who has time?

I subscribe to a parenting site and get these emails everyday. Some of them are insightful and bring a smile to my face. Some of them are a little off the wall and I wonder if maybe I have too little time in life or if the advice is somehow unrealistic….. This weeks email goes as follows…..



I can just see it now….. running late, shopping to do, food to be cooked…. and there’s me….. don’t worry kids…. we can just stand here and watch the world go by for another half hour cause you might need to smell roses!


Seriously. If I stopped for a few minutes every time my kids wanted to look at something I would probably lose about 6 hours of my waking day. Does anyone really have time to stop and smell roses? Call me mean…. but I can afford for them to do it once a day, for a minute or so. I’ll put roses on the shopping list. We can grow some.

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Posted by on November 3, 2011 in Nov 2011


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