Sisters….. don’t beleive a thing they say!!!

It’s an on-going joke between Lil Sis and myself about her hypochondriatic ways. (Is that even a word?) To put it lightly…. she tends to over react! So really…… I should have known!!!! Walking into the park… yep… walking… that’s me… cause that’s my new mode of transport….. her son calls her complaining of leg pain.

Now, he’d been to the gym the day before after not going for some time and over did it on the weights. So of course his legs were hurting him! She directed him to his bed and we continued onto the park for a lovely afternoon.

Now, bearing in mind that this woman is an ex nurse… yes…. an ex nurse…..  I take her medical opinion seriously, though I should know better after the incident years ago when Middle was just a tot. Middle Child had taken a little tumble and hit her head in day care. The normal course of action is to monitor for 24 hours in case of concussion. However, Lil Sis had me running into the Emergency Room holding Middle Child in my arms screaming

“Brain fluid… brain fluid… she has brain fluid coming out of her ears….. HELP!!!”

I looked a right imbecile. I’m sure every doctor in there was snickering in the corner wondering what psych ward I had escaped from. It turned out Middle had a little weepy wax which was barely visible just inside her ear. Personally I hadn’t even seen it, but my sister?! She gave my child a thorough examination and declared her not just concussed but nearly dead and sent me packing off to the ER having insisted she had brain fluid coming out of her ears….. did I learn????

NO!!!!!!!

The morning after my nephew’s work out at the gym, I got a call at some ridiculous hour in the morning insisting that said nephew was at home and I had to rush over there IMMEDIATELY! I was just tying up my walking shoes to continue my training for my walk of death and reached for the car keys instead.

She explained that his condition had worsened through the night and he had the mother of all headaches. She had called out an ambulance at about 6:30 that morning because she was concerned about a DVT. The paramedics inspected him and ordered her to monitor him.

Yep! MONITOR…. you know that thing you do for 24 hours?!

She left him home and went to work, calling him on her way there from the bus. Apparently he didn’t answer the phone…… Diagnosis: DVT travelled and he’s laying unconscious on the floor.

I sped across town to rescue him from the jaws of death, not having questioned Lil Sis’ powers of diagnosis at all…. because that’s what you do right? When family calls and say they need you, you run! I couldn’t run there fast enough so I drove. FAST!

Got there and what do I find…. he’s lying on the sofa watching TV, exhausted because the paramedics woke him at the crack of dawn. I asked him why he didn’t answer the phone….. his response….

“My legs hurt cause I over did it in the gym and I couldn’t be bothered to get up and answer it”.

No worries…. panic over. Crisis avoided and I carried on with my day happily. Walked around the town for the next few days as I am in super diligent training and what the hell happened????

ONLY A SPEEDING TICKET CAME THROUGH MY DOOR!

So thanks Sis…… I won’t be speeding over to yours in a hurry next time you shout “Medical emergency! Get here….. STAT!” (Yes… I watch ER!) I’ll be walking over cause I won’t have a driving licence anymore! Good thing I’m doing all that walking training then!

My training for my 100km London to Brighton walk is going well though I have to admit…. my muscles are killing me! I’m still collecting sponsorship/donations for SENSE, the charity I am walking in aid of on May 12/13 2012. You can read the original story here or click the links below for more information or to donate. I will soon be starting a fund for my soon to be hired driver’s salary for when I lose my license as well!!! 🙂

 

In My Life!!!!!

Sometimes there are things that I just don’t understand….. like where these children keep appearing from for instance….. However, they are here and they call me “Mom” so I guess I have to feed them or something.

IN MY LIFE IN MY LIFE IN LIFE

Today however, Toddler Child was dancing around in the kitchen in hardly any clothes….. this is normal. Nudity is her preffered option so the fact that she was wearing something…. Well that was good for me. She likes accessorising and she’s pretty funky and it sems to come naturally to her. Todays accessories of choice were a colourful scarf that Middle Child left on the floor in the hallway and a hat. Not any old hat…. Nooooo! My girl has some serious style. She must have watched too many episodes of Project Runway or something. This hat my friends was in fat the silicone mould for a giant cup cake. A bright red one.

Added to this… Toddler Child can groove! She sure loves dancing and she was dancing up a storm in the kitchen with her accessories and jumping around and OMG! She was shouting and spinning and shouting louder….

“In My Life! In My Life! In My Life!”

I was washing the dishes and chuckling to myself. The stuff these kids come out with. It’s so funny! Where on earth would she learn a phrase like that? In my life? I couldn’t figure it out. “Into Bed!?” “Over my dead body!?” “Are you nuts?!” Those were all phrases I thought she would have heard from me perhaps. But this one? I couldn’t think where.

All of the sudden I realised it was that time of day. School run time! OMG! And of course as usual, Toddler Child is naked, Middle Chid will go mad, we’ll be late again and she’s bringing friends home. I threw a coat on the kid and a pair of trousers and made a dash for the car. I knew I could get there on time if Toddler would just get in the car seat without a fight today.

Phew…. All was going well…..till I encountered the WHALE! Yes.,…. You heard me!!! The whale!!! In the middle of the street. Middle Child was never going to believe this bloody excuse. I took a shortcut up a one way street. Only room for one line of cars. Two cars ahead of me a taxi stopped. Flipping great! They’re gonna have to pay their fare and everything. This is gong to set me back two minutes and I will hear about it from Middle for ten! This was no good! Holy Crapolas. If only it was the fare and the fare alone though!!!!!!!!!!!! What was taking this person so long to get out. I looked through the windscreens of the car ahead of me so I could see what was happening. In retrospect I should have videoed this because you are NEVER going to believe what I am about to tell you.

The cab driver seems to be getting out. FRICK! This person must have luggage or something…. No, no, no… he’s going past the back of the car onto the other passenger side….. Oh! He’s one of those wannabe limo drivers, he’s going to open the door for his passenger!….. But the door’s open now…. What’s he doing? His arms are reaching in…. he seems to be pulling…. No….. it looks like he’s getting pulled in. Why the hell is the windscreen of the car in front of me so dirty. I can’t quite make out what is going on. The people in the car in front seem to be almost getting out of their car though.

Holy Sleeping Moses…… I understand now….. He’s trying to PULL the passenger out. A man comes out of the receiving house and helps. There’s two of them pulling now and almost this cartoon like effect of a giant balloon coming out of the car door as they manage to exhume an incredibly morbidly obese woman out of the car. This is not just an overweight lady but I’m telling you. It’s like the kind of overweight you see on documentaries. Now I feel really bad for being impatient. She must have health issues and I am complaining about being stuck here for ten minutes.

I’m now like fifteen minutes late when they manage to get her on her feet but just grateful that I can get on with my journey when…. OOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The taxi driver is helping her shuffle to the sidewalk and she literally keels over, knocks him flat and is lying on him.

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLOODY ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s it! I’m dead now! I’m never gonna move from here! I start shouting at myself and hear myself say…

“Oh God! Only IN MY LIFE”

And it hits me…… that’s what Toddler Child was dancing and singing about! “IN MY LIFE! IN MY LIFE!” And to wrap up the story; yes, Middle Child was pissed but when I told them what happened and the rest of the story they almost wet themselves laughing. It turns out that the lady was not just hideously overweight but had been on a drinking binge and was so drunk she couldn’t stand. We all had to get out of our cars and save the cab driver. She was pretty heavy to roll. There were six of us and I tell you, I sure broke into a sweat. We just about managed to roll her over onto the pavement so we could clear the road and get moving. But here you have it??? In my life???!!! I mean…. Who can say they spent the afternoon rolling a fat lady out of the road and that was their excuse for being half an hour late for a pick up???

And I even taught the kids a lesson today…. They are allowed to either be overweight OR get drunk….. never both!

 

We’re smelling ROSES Sister!

So I’ve been feeling guilty about not stopping to smell the roses. I really don’t have time. Added to my own children, I seem to have acquired another. A friend’s child decided she was leaving home. She’s in a negative cycle of communication with her mother and they’re arguing all the time. Somehow, my halo didn’t just light up, it started flashing at a rate and before I knew it, I was sitting in their living room talking to mother and daughter and agreeing for her to move in with me. Ha! Like I didn’t have enough on my plate….. but as my life seems to go…

When the plate gets full…. we buy bigger plates!

No diets round this house! So now I am a single parent of FOUR….. Older Child, Middle Child and Toddler Child and then we have who I can only describe as Interim Child.

Interim Child however has been making herself quite at home. Shown to a spare space in my pad, she’s totally cleaned it out and turned it into a bedroom. Somehow I am starting to feel that Interim Child has other ideas. I think we might be renaming her soon. That’s a story to be unfolded.

Anyways…. the guilt. I’ve been feeling guilty about not smelling the roses. And lo and behold, I get another parenting email from my parenting guru.

Hurrah!!!! Permission to do it right only 51% of the time… so I’ve been doing the math……

Smelling roses              2%

Balanced diet              90%

Bed on time                 75%

Educating                    75%

Daily baths               100%

Nurturing                   80% (I HOPE!!!)

Time to play               50%

Bed time stories        60%

I’m sure I have left stuff out. But when I do my averages I fare pretty well.

I am a good parent 66.5% of the time!!!!

I have been trying to inject this into all areas of our lives mind, not just the “Oh, let’s make a concerted effort to stop and sniff” way. So we didn’t just leave church this morning, we stood around and took in the ambience. Despite the fact that Toddler Child was trying to play with the hair of the lady in front of us during the service. Kindly, she kept turning around and smiling nicely – I know it would have been a different story if we were on the bus, she would have given us dagger eyes! The others were bickering over who got to hold the hymn book and played footsie a bit… you know the kind that’s more of a game than a form of communication? The nun over the other side of the pew tutted at me. I relaxed and listened to the sermon thinking …..

“The sods are smelling the roses Sister!

Roses…. you hear me?”

Toddler Child even learned how to say “Jesus” after she shouted out rather loudly “Why that man wearing dress? Dress not for man!” Needless to say there were smirks as I stood there embarrassed trying to decide how to meander this statement. I think in the end I passed her the nappy cream which she smeared all over her face with glee but she’s smelling something right? Have to come up with a better response to these sorts of things before next week….. gulp!

 

Smell the roses????? Like who has time?

I subscribe to a parenting site and get these emails everyday. Some of them are insightful and bring a smile to my face. Some of them are a little off the wall and I wonder if maybe I have too little time in life or if the advice is somehow unrealistic….. This weeks email goes as follows…..

 

 

I can just see it now….. running late, shopping to do, food to be cooked…. and there’s me….. don’t worry kids…. we can just stand here and watch the world go by for another half hour cause you might need to smell roses!

 

Seriously. If I stopped for a few minutes every time my kids wanted to look at something I would probably lose about 6 hours of my waking day. Does anyone really have time to stop and smell roses? Call me mean…. but I can afford for them to do it once a day, for a minute or so. I’ll put roses on the shopping list. We can grow some.