Smell the roses????? Like who has time?

I subscribe to a parenting site and get these emails everyday. Some of them are insightful and bring a smile to my face. Some of them are a little off the wall and I wonder if maybe I have too little time in life or if the advice is somehow unrealistic….. This weeks email goes as follows…..

 

 

I can just see it now….. running late, shopping to do, food to be cooked…. and there’s me….. don’t worry kids…. we can just stand here and watch the world go by for another half hour cause you might need to smell roses!

 

Seriously. If I stopped for a few minutes every time my kids wanted to look at something I would probably lose about 6 hours of my waking day. Does anyone really have time to stop and smell roses? Call me mean…. but I can afford for them to do it once a day, for a minute or so. I’ll put roses on the shopping list. We can grow some.

 

Things a woman should have to survive through her Forties!

I came across an article in a newspaper yesterday which made me guffaw. How a decade can change one’s needs!

The article entitled The Things a woman should have by age 30 took me back to my late twenties/early thirties to review whether I had these things or not. Most I had more than others, some I had none of at all! Never mind that though….. It just made me giggle at how your perspective and priorities change as you get older.

So here…. I complied a list of things a woman – particularly a parent – should have in and throughout their 40s!

1. SEVERAL pairs of comfortable shoes designed for chasing children – style unimportant.
2. Good life insurance. You don’t need to be worrying about what will happen to the children when the stress drives you to heart attack!
3. A solid communication with God – he’s probably the only one listening to you anymore.
4. Monthly visits to the massage therapist.
5. Clothes that are comfortable, allow free movement and aren’t so expensive that you care when your kids wipe their hands all over you. Must be made of washable, tumble dryer and crinkle free fabric!
6. Good friends who will be there for you when the man / a man/ any man isn’t.
7. The little black dress is always a classic but maybe one that’s not so little any more!
8. A passport for showing your ID at the bank every time you need to pick up a new card because one of the children has snapped it. Oh! And you’ll need it for taking the critters to Disney too!
9. An umbrella you can find, a suitcase large enough to fit all the paraphernalia you now travel with and a purse that has a security code to make it open.
10. Time to be interested in a man.
11. A set of tools and either the ability to use them or failing that, a child trained in using them or a good relationship with the neighbour.
12. Time to exercise and actually eat.
13. An email address, phone and bank account that everyone else is PROHIBITED from accessing.
14. A job that allows you your own sense of identity away from the family – remuneration unimportant – identity more important than money through this phase!
15. Bras that are still their original colour. Good support and uplift however is a must!
16. Skin care products that have the words “anti ageing” in VERY small letters on them.
17. The ability to decide which battles are actually worth fighting.
18. A hairdresser willing to have you at a minutes notice and a style that’s fabulous but incredibly low maintenance.
19. A kid’s camp to look forward to (on the kids behalf of course) every year. One week minimum.
20. A good neighbour you can send the kids by in case you ever have a man/prospective employer to go see in a rush.
21. A resume with not to many holes in from staying home with the children – do voluntary work once a week if you have to!
22. Time for friends.
23. Any kind of sex.
24. Any kind of loosely matching bra and panty. Nearly same colours will do fine. More importantly, you need a good vacum cleaner.
25. A car that doesn’t say “I have children” by the mess on the inside of it.
26. A bottle of gin stashed somewhere no one else knows about.
27. A cosmetic bag that has not been raided or attacked by small hands.
28. Enough common sense to spot a “bad idea” from a mile off.
29. A family member compassionate enough to hide the photos of herself from years gone by so she doesn’t feel old.
30. A family that care about her enough to have bought her something ridiculously expensive that she would have never bought for herself. Possibly a lock up box for those ridiculously expensive items bought in 30s?

 

Aaaargh! Darn glitter!

There’s a few things I don’t like having in my house….. besides kids that is…… Glitter is one of them! The stuff gets everywhere and somehow you can never get rid of it. So my kids are deprived of the ability to explore their creative side when it comes to incorporating glitter into their days.

I’m still at home with the invalid. Of course I stayed up way to late last night trying to figure out how to use this whole blogging deal. Was exhausted this morning. Toddler Child woke up a little too early for my liking. I dragged her into bed with me and she was making those fussing noises. You know the ones where you know they’re not actually going to go back to sleep? Well those. She made them… lots of them…. and they were loud. I peeked at her through bleary eyes but it was too late. She made eye contact. That was it…. I had to get up.

Middle Child of course was resting comfortably on the sofa having had a luxurious sleep and I knew she went to bed late. I wasn’t about to wake her up and add another moody mouth to the mix this morning so I quickly threw my clothes on, dressed Toddler and shovelled some food down her throat before I dropped her to day-care. Ahhhhh… Bed. That would have been the sensible thing to do when I got back for an hour or so right?

Well, I never did say I was sensible though did I?! I decided to actually try to have a bath! You remember those things? They were things that happened PC (PRE CHILDREN). If I remember correctly it involves languishing, soaping, bubbles, even candles. Ahhhhh yes! I was going to have a bath. Had a quick peek at Middle Child, she was still sound asleep. I got so excited at the prospect of ME time I nearly pee’d myself! Boy this was gonna be good!

Bath running nicely, bubbles, smelly things, I even put a little table in the bathroom and propped my laptop on it so I could watch the latest episode of Army Wives (sad I know) and I hopped right in there. I’d like to imagine I slipped daintily into a warm infusion of bubbles and essential oils but no. I HOPPED, so excited I was.

I washed my hair, shaved my legs, lounged, added more hot water! Imagine that! I actually had time for it to get cold while I watched TV! Check me out! Ha! Normally it’s a 3.5 minute rush in and out the shower whilst Middle Child is shouting something at me about some last minute thing she needs for school and Toddler Child is banging on the shower door and opening it and shutting it thereby making my whole bathroom floor soaking wet. This was BLISS! I’m totally rocking out today!

I towelled off, changed my clothes. Middle Child awoke so I stopped preparing myself for the day. Selfish time over, I went to see to Madame’s needs. And there I was, suddenly three hours whizzed by and we were late for an appointment. Where does the time go. I rushed around grabbing what we needed and decided at the last minute to run into my bathroom and put some mascara on so I would be just a little less scary…….

And there it was! AAAAAAARGH! GLITTER!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!!!! OMG! GLITTTTTTEEEEEER! IN MYYYYYYYY HOUSE!!!!!! Breathe woman breathe! I can handle this. I can I can I can…… But I don’t have time. We have to be out the door in precisely 2 minutes AGO! As in we are already late.  What the hell am I going to do? How can I fix this? I stare in the mirror and decide that perhaps it’s best to pretend I haven’t seen myself yet and put some sunglasses on and leave. I am absolutely covered HEAD TO TOE, mostly all over my FACE with GLITTER!

How you may ask? Well, it was that relaxing bath I had in the children’s bathroom wasn’t it?! Turns out Middle Child has MOISTURISER infused with scents and GLITTER! And she put it all over herself… and then all over the towel that I then dried myself off with. Darn you Hannah Montana Body Glitter Moisturiser. So today, yet again, I stepped out into the world looking like a complete manic moron who has no sense of organisation in her life. Ta for that kids! You’re doing my street cred no favours!

PS. For those of you interested in glitter. I’ve included a picture and a link to buy this stuff! It says…. ” Shimmer Body Lotion – Leaves your skin beautifully soft with a pop star shimmer”! I will warn you though. I DON’T feel like a pop star and people didn’t look at me like I was one. Full body and face glitter when you’re 40 is not a good look!